Been having bouts of insomnia these few weeks, not sure what is causing them but in the end I just can't fall asleep... tried readjusting my body clock by staying up straight for 2 days then crashing for something like a 16 hr stretch... but that didn't help at all, got up and stayed up for the next 36 hours again... Not too sure why this is happening again, I've experienced this before but there was always a reason why it happened, usually when I'm troubled by something. But this time it kinda feels different. Its the end of the fiscal year for me and I've cleared my requirements so I'm pretty sure its not work. I've not had any fights of late with anyone, so its not relationships. So what is it? Maybe its due to me feeling lost lately? Been having this feeling of emptiness for some reason, like nothing is behind me, like theres something missing or theres no reason for waking up in the morning? Gotta look for something to occupy my mind.
Anyway I've been whiling this extra time awake by watching videos and researching on things that have peaked my interest.
Being like this kinda reminds me of a, independent movie I watched a few years back called 'Cashback', in which the protaganist is also suffering from insomnia and instead of wasting his time staying awake, he cashes in by taking part time jobs at the local 24 hour supermarket, thus the title, but he also has this special power of stopping time and uses this power for some really whimsical deeds, like stripping the shoppers at the supermarket and drawing them nude. I guess the thoughts of the young can't really stray far from sex right?
Anyway of the many videos and clips I've been watching, one really stood out. Its a documentary about the Aokigahara forest at the foot of Mt Fuji in Japan. It has become widely known as the 'Suicide Forest' because of the extremely high number of people that head there to end their lives, which is partially due to a book that labels the forest as "the perfect place to die".
The documentary itself follows a forest guard that trawls the forest looking for the unfortunates that have decided to end their lives and succeeded. He walks the paths less traveled and looks for signs that someone had once been through the area so that he can retrieve the bodies that they've left behind.
It also touches on why the number of suicides in Japan is on the rise and how the locals feel about their forest being such a draw to suicide seekers. One local commented that the Japanese now are like 'economic creatures' that derive personal value from money, so when one is out of a job and has no money, they feel they have no further value in this world and decide to end it.
Watching this documentary at the witching hour that I did really sent chills down my spine.
It also comes on the heels of a young Japanese male that streamed his suicide live over the internet which caused quite a stir in the online community.
Lately there has also been plenty of news on youngsters in my country as young as 17, hacking and slashing each other with knives and choppers because of so called 'gang related' activities or because they didn't like how they were stared at.
Is the value of life really non-existent to them?
Has society come to a point, where our personal value and self-worth is so linked to how much money one can earn that failure and the loss of a job can lead one to suicide? where because someone looks at you the wrong way it ends up in a slashing?
And to boot, now that North Korea has a new leader he's trying to prove his metal by striking out at the South and showing that he is not afraid to use force. Kinda reminds me of George W.
War for the sake of pride, fighting because of a stare and suicide because of money.
Is it worth it?